Let us talk about forgiveness.
That thing every one of us must face sooner or later.
It is messy, painful and confusing. Yet it is also the thing that sets you free, if you allow it.

Literature is full of stories about forgiveness. Romeo and Juliet, King Lear, Les Misérables, The Count of Monte Cristo, To Kill a Mockingbird, The Kite Runner, The Lion King, Schindler's List and the Bible. All different, yet all saying the same thing: forgiveness takes time. Sometimes it takes lifetimes.

The Count of Monte Cristo shows twenty years of waiting.
King Lear forgives too soon and loses everything.
The Kite Runner carries generations of pain before peace.
The Lion King shows that there is no true forgiveness without forgiving yourself.

We have all heard the words, “I will never forgive them.” Maybe we have said it ourselves. But before forgiveness can even begin, there is pain. A wound. A betrayal. A loss that hits so deeply it takes your breath away.

Your body feels it first. A tight chest. A knotted stomach. A coldness or numbness. It is your body’s way of saying, “Something in me has been hurt.”

The key is not to run from it. You have to sit with it, honour it and feel it. Listen to what your body is trying to tell you. Where does it hurt. What stirs when you think about it. That is your truth waiting to be heard.

If all you do is fight the pain, throw anger at it, replay the story or curse the person, you stay trapped in the loop. The wound keeps reopening.

Forgiveness becomes possible only after you have faced the pain, given it space and allowed your heart to speak. It begins in the mind: “I want to forgive, but I am not ready.” Then it moves into the heart. When the heart finally softens, something shifts. The wound stops reacting. The trigger loses its power. You know the healing has landed when you can think of the person or the story and your body stays calm. The scar has sealed. A new life begins quietly.

Sometimes the pain returns. That means the work is not finished. If you cannot forgive, then do not. If people tell you that you should be over it, they have never carried this. This is your timeline, your rage, your truth. Begin there and stay there as long as you need.

When you are ready, there are people who understand the deep work. People who will not rush you. People who help you release what is ready and honour what still needs to stay. But only when your body says yes. Only when it is time.

Until then, your wound needs witnessing, not fixing. Your refusal is wisdom. Trust it. When the heart releases, the soul follows.

Forgiveness is rarely just about this life. The people who wound us most deeply often have a soul connection with us that stretches beyond this lifetime. Forgiveness here can free both souls from old pain that has been carried across generations.

Sometimes healing happens naturally. Often it does not. If the pain is transgenerational or rooted in past experience, ancestral healing or past life work can bring true release.

I know this from my own life. I carried a pain that was not entirely mine, but I had chosen to hold it in this lifetime to heal it at the soul level. I did the work again and again. Every time I thought I was done, another layer surfaced.

One day I asked Spirit what I needed to do to release it for good and end the cycle. My soul answered through my body: “You need to forgive.” That was the moment it became clear. There was still separation. Still a line between “them” and “me”. When I forgave, that line disappeared.

What followed was peace. Love. A softness and lightness I had not felt before.

One of the hardest parts is self-forgiveness. Allowing yourself to be human. Admitting you have hurt others or fallen short. You cannot fully forgive anyone else until you have forgiven yourself. When you stop punishing yourself, your heart softens. Forgiving others becomes possible.

Forgiveness is also a kind of grief. You are not only letting go of the person or the story. You are grieving the version of yourself that was hurt. When that grief moves through, freedom arrives.

Forgiving does not mean forgetting. It does not mean trusting again, loving again or pretending nothing happened. You can forgive and still have boundaries. You can forgive and still choose distance. Forgiveness is about freeing yourself, not excusing what was done. It is how you stop bleeding from a wound that has been open too long. It is how you call your soul back home.

These days my thoughts drift to the world around us. The wars, the conflict, the devastation. So much loss. How will the generations born from this carry what their ancestors could not heal? Pain passes down through blood, memory and soul.

This is why trauma-informed healing and coaching matter more than ever. We need spaces where people can face their pain safely, understand it and release what was never theirs to carry. The work of forgiveness does not free only one person. It ripples forwards and backwards. It changes families, lineages and futures. Our healing becomes their healing. From stuck, they receive momentum and a new, fresh energy on their soul path.

Three Gentle Ways to Be With Your Pain

When you are ready to meet what you are holding, not to heal it, simply to meet it, try these.

1. Write It Out
Three questions. No judgement. Only honesty and curiosity.
• What feelings am I avoiding
• If my body could speak, what would it say
• Which part of me would I betray if I forgave right now

Write without censoring yourself. Let the truth come in its own way. This is for you alone.

2. Breathe Into It
Place your hand where it hurts: chest, stomach, throat, heart. Breathe into that place. Not to remove the pain. Simply to say, “I see you. I am here.”
Breathe in for four. Hold for four. Exhale for four. Hold for four. Repeat.

Your body has been carrying this alone for a long time. You are keeping it company.

3. The Softening Practice
Close your eyes. Notice where you are bracing: jaw, shoulders, stomach, back. Do not push anything. Do not tell it to relax. Whisper inwardly, “It is all right to hold on. It is all right to protect. I am not leaving you.”

Sometimes the most important thing is not letting go. It is allowing yourself to hold on until your body feels safe enough to soften by itself.

This is the real work: staying present with what hurts until your body no longer needs to brace. When your system feels safe again, the story begins to change and forgiveness becomes possible in its own time. If you take anything from this, let it be this: stay close to yourself. Stay close to what your body is telling you. That is where the path to forgiveness truly begins.

Author’s Note

This piece draws on my own lifelong work with forgiveness, ancestral healing and past lives, and the deep wounds we inherit and carry. Trauma-informed healing isn't only personal work. It is collective work. Every act of forgiveness brings light to the generations that follow and ripples back to the ones who came before us. Our healing becomes their healing. From stuck, they receive momentum and a new and fresh energy on their soul path for what lies ahead. If this spoke to you, take a quiet moment today to listen to what your heart and body are asking for. Forgiveness begins there. If you would like support as you move through your own healing, I offer trauma-informed healing and coaching, as well as soul work that includes the present, the ancestors and past lives. You can discover more about my healing and soul work, and how it may support your own journey, here.

With love,
Anita